Surefire
Ways To Know You're A Woman
- When asked "Is
something bothering you?" reply "NO" then get
mad when you are believed.
- Become attracted
to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,
start dating him and immediately expect him to
stop this behavior.
- Always take an
hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
- Always hide very
important events in very unimportant terms so
you can have something to be mad about when your
boyfriend declines because he has pressing business,
i.e. You say "It's no big deal, but I was wondering
if you would like to visit my parents with me
if you are not busy this weekend." when you mean
"It means a great deal to me for you to see my
family with me this weekend whether or not it
is possible!"
- Whine.
- If you are trying
to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your
almost super-human level of daily achievement;
if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy.
- No matter what
the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past
boyfriend.
- If he pays attention
to you, he is smothering you.
- If he gives you
space, he is ignoring you.
- Complain.
- Hate any bar
that he likes.
- Demand to be
treated as an equal in everything........except
when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts,
beers, clothes, etc.......... these are required
gifts proving his love.
- Declare PMS at
any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your
cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the
stress in your life
- Remember that
ANY woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend
must be labeled cheap and your network of friends
must be informed immediately to spread this as
quick as possible.
- Make his life
miserable by making him feel guilty about doing
anything other than catering to your needs.
- Break into tears
for no apparent reason
- Ask for help
in some endeavor then become livid when it is
given.
- Insert yourself
into your boyfriend's group of friends, break
up with him, then make sure you are present at
every gathering for the next month just to rub
it in.
- Tell your boyfriend
it is OK to go out with another girl, who is just
a friend, and get mad when he does.
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