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Out
of College
You
know you are out of college when:
- Your salary is
less than your tuition.
- Your potted plants
stay alive.
- Shacking in a
twin-sized bed seems absurd.
- You keep more
food than beer in the fridge.
- You have to pay
your own credit card bill.
- You haven't seen
a soap opera in over a year.
- 8:00a.m. is not
early.
- You have to file
for your own taxes.
- You hear your
favorite song on the elevator at work.
- You're not carded
anymore.
- You carry an
umbrella.
- Your friends
marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
- You start watching
the Dating channel.
- Jeans and baseball
caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
- You can no longer
take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
- You go from 130
days of vacation time to 7.
- You stop confusing
401K plan with 10K run.
- You go to parties
that the police don't raid.
- Adults feel comfortable
telling jokes about sex in front of you.
- You don't know
what time Wendy's closes anymore.
- Your car insurance
goes down.
- You refer to
college students as kids.
- You drink wine,
scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon,and
rum.
- Your parents
start making casual remarks about grandchildren.
- You feed your
dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell.
- You're waking
up at 6 am instead of going to bed
- College sweatshirts
are 'casual' instead of dress up.
- Sleeping on the
couch is a no-no.
- THEN: discussing
with your friends: GPA's, spring break plans,and
tonsil hockey NOW: mutual funds, interest rates,
and wedding plans
- Naps are no longer
available between noon and 6 p.m.
- Dinner and a
movie -The whole date instead of the beginning
of one.
- You get your
news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter
and MTV News.
- You find yourself
reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.
- METABOLISM SLOWDOWN
- Wine appreciation
expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.
- You actually
eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
- Grocery lists
actually contain relatively healthy food.
- When drinking,
you say at least once per night, 'I just can't
put it down the same as I used to'.
- Over 90% of the
time you spend in front of a computer is for real
work, not video games.
- You're actually
willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that's
not full of '21-year-old kids.'
- Golf is beginning
to seem a lot less silly.
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