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Classified
classics
As
the following classified classics will demonstrate,
there are often more laughs on the advertising and
classified pages than you can find in the cartoons
and comic strips:
Lost: small apricot
poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive
restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses
in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special --
Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique
desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.
For sale: a quilted
high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat,
size 8 and fur collar.
Four-poster bed,
101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance
to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls
for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried
girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your
clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
No matter what your
topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make
it really repellent.
For Sale. Three
canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale -- Eight
puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Creative daily specials,
including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh
vagetables, salads, quiche.
7 ounces of choice
sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
with golden fried onion rings.
Great Dames for
sale.
Have several very
old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning
yourself? Let me do it.
20 dozen bottles
of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges,
the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us
last year.
Dog for sale: eats
anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special:
have your home exterminated.
If you think you've
seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean
de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro,
the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.
Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
The hotel has bowling
alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other
athletic facilities.
Get rid of aunts:
Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift
that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically
burns toast.
Sheer stockings.
Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that
lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save.
Limit: one.
Save regularly in
our bank. You'll never reget it.
We build bodies
that last a lifetime.
Offer expires December
31 or while supplies last .
This is the model
home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes
and Gardens.
For Sale--Diamonds
$20; microscopes $15.
For Rent: 6-room
hated apartment.
Man, honest. Will
take anything.
Wanted: chambermaid
in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
Wanted: Part-time
married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Man wanted to work
in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go
elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Christmans tag-sale.
Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Modular Sofas. Only
$299. For rest or fore play.
Wanted: Hair-cutter.
Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take
care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher
need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced
Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals,
and smacks included.
Our bikinis are
exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service.
Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never
go anywhere again.
See ladies blouses.
50% off!
Holcross pullets.
Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.
Wanted: Preparer
of food. Must be dependable, like the food business,
and be willing to get hands dirty.
Illiterate? Write
today for free help.
Girl wanted to assist
magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
and salary.
Wanted. Widower
with school-age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of
contributing to growth of family.
Mixing bowl set
designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating.
Mother's helper--peasant
working conditions.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas
Sale.
And now, the Superstore--unequaled
in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your
sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for
$1.00.
And these beauties
from the radio:
Ladies and gentlemen,
now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
Be with us again
next Saturday at 10 p.m. for "High Fidelity," designed
to help music lovers increase their reproduction.
When you are thirsty,
try 7-Up,the refreshing drink in the green bottle
with the big 7 on it and u-p after.
Tune in next week
for another series of classical music programs from
the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.
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